I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
