i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
