You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
