I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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