I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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