We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
