exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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