Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
