My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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