if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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