I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
