lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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