apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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