I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize