Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
