need another drink. this is the easiest way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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