As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
