he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
