One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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