There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
