My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
