I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
