tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
