All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
