that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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