so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
