i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
