I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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