If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
