Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
