This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
