Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if only i could text you this smell
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
