Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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