I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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