So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
