I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
