home. puking in laundry basket.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
