No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
