Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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