Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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