I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
