Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
