i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found puke in my bra..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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