I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
