So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i came on her dog
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
