Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
