He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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