So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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