Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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