are you so shy because you have an std?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
