I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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