but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
please don't ironically join a cult
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