Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
