Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
