i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
