I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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