I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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