I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
