she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
