he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize