Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
