I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
