WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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