So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
