I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
