Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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