we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
