He disabled his match.com account in front of me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
