He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
